Three Signs You Are In a Toxic Relationship and What To Do About it
In recent years, the term “toxic” has been used to describe everything from friendships to workplaces, environments and relationships. But, what does “toxic” actually mean? The word toxic means that something is poisonous, very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive and insidious way.
While no relationship is perfect or enjoyable all of the time, when you have an ongoing negative feeling about a relationship, if your self-esteem has diminished, or if your sense of self-worth has decreased, it might be time to consider whether you are in a toxic relationship. In addition, if your emotional, physical or psychological well-being feels threatened you might be in a toxic relationship. Here are three signs of a toxic relationship that you might look for:
FEELING UNSAFE OR “WALKING ON EGGSHELLS”
When you are in a healthy relationship, you feel safe and secure being who you are and you feel free to share your thoughts and concerns. If you find yourself feeling afraid to raise an issue or if you avoid talking to your partner because you are afraid their reaction will leave you feeling unsafe emotionally or physically, you may be in a toxic relationship.
Perhaps you have been told you are “too sensitive” or that you “overthink” things, both of which subtly suggest that you ignore your intuition. Our intuition, our instincts are geared for our survival.
So often, our bodies give us signs that we are not in a good situation, but we learn to ignore our instincts. Do not brush off that anxious feeling in your stomach, that adrenaline surge or the uneasiness you feel when you think about your partner. Your intuition is there to protect you. Pay attention.
DIMINISHED SELF-ESTEEM
While voicing a concern or suggesting an alternative approach can be a typical part of a healthy relationship, ongoing criticism, negativity, dismissiveness or contempt is not. Living with constant criticism and contempt erodes your self-esteem, leaving you feeling worthless, powerless, in doubt of your abilities or, maybe, paralyzed with fear.
Ignoring your need for self-care is one sign of diminished self-esteem. Perhaps you are so focused on meeting your partner’s needs that you leave no time to take care of yourself. When your self-care becomes last on the list of priorities, it may be a sign of a toxic relationship.
YOU FIND YOURSELF MAKING EXCUSES FOR THEIR BAD BEHAVIOR
Making excuses for their bad behavior may be one way you cope with being in a toxic relationship. Perhaps you rationalize your partner’s lack of empathy, their disconnectedness, or their embarrassing behavior in front of your friends.
If you find yourself rationalizing that they “had a bad day” or if you find yourself denying that the bad behavior happened, you may be desensitized to the behavior or you may have accepted that “this is just the way it is.” If you find yourself making excuses for your partner, you may want to evaluate if you are in a toxic relationship.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU REALIZE YOU ARE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
Reach out to family and friends who will listen and provide non-judgmental support.
Don’t blame yourself. When we are in the throes of new love, it can be easy to look the other way, rationalize red flags away, and hold onto hope that things will get better. Perhaps you are afraid of being alone or have thoughts that you will not find love again. Go slowly and take it one step, one hour or one minute at a time. Sometimes, you may have to focus only on the very next step you can take to get yourself to a better place.
Seek the support of a therapist. If you feel stuck in your thoughts or if you feel overwhelmed by the idea of making changes, reach out for professional help. You do not have to go through this alone. Having the support of a therapist can be invaluable for helping you find a way to move forward with greater confidence.
If you are wondering if you are in a toxic relationship or if you are thinking about leaving a relationship, reach out for help by calling Dr. Corey Hirsch at (310) 486-8842.